Hep me if you can, I'm feeling down..

I’m not against asking for help when the situation calls for it. I don’t pretend to have all the answers.

Now, the credit cards.. yeah, maybe I do need help, but I’m stubborn. I want to try to solve my problems on my own, no matter how long it takes me. Would I prefer to have a windfall? Winning the lottery, a reclusive relative who I’ve never met leaving me millions, finally selling my manuscript? Sure, who wouldn’t. But things like that only happen to the incredibly lucky people who are also usually a-holes.

I got myself into this mess, and I’m going to get myself out of it – little by little. I don’t make a lot of money. I work a 40-hour banking job that pays an average amount, and almost all of my money goes to bills. This is naturally disheartening, especially when there are amazing ice-skating shows all over the country tempting me, and I can’t go. It makes me feel bad about myself, and then I get jealous. And depressed.

I’m not sure how to go about making enough money to pay my debt off quickly, thanks to the brilliant economy. I’ve considered eBay, standing on the street corner, taking on a second job that would drain me entirely, being a surrogate for wealthy and barren couples.. but I’d rather just be lucky.

In the spirit of confession, I’ve made a list of my debts. They are listed from lowest balance to highest, not by interest rate, because I am still trying to decide whether to follow the snowball method of debt reduction or the avalanche method (to be discussed in an upcoming blog). Close your eyes, luvvies. It isn’t pretty.

This is a rough estimate, due to pending payments or charges.

#1: $1,568.61

#2: $4,815.98

#3: $5,405.87

#4: $6,500.66

Grand total: $18,291.12

Typing this out has me in a cold sweat. It’s like stepping on the scale after the holiday season; I’d rather just close my eyes and go to my happy place. After taxes are taken out, that’s more than I make in a year, and those bills that are listed above don’t include rent, utilities, groceries, or anything else. There’s nothing like typing out what you owe to make you feel completely worthless.

But there is a silver lining, or perhaps it’s just a dingy grey one: I’m not avoiding the amount anymore. I know exactly what I owe, and while I have no idea how I’ll ever pay it all back, it’s a start.

So much for going to any ice shows in the near future – or eating, for that matter. Maybe I’ll lose some weight in the process..